Today I'm going to talk about the one thing I just can't understand.
As a parent with only 1 of my parents ever having been a part of my life I have a big problem understanding how a parent could disown a child for reasons that make them disabled. My older kids, being disabled is rather hard for some people to understand. My son, Bi-polar, Anger Management issues, had a stroke at the age of 9 (some of my family say 7, either way it was a medication induced coma leading to stroke) and because of the stroke has a speech problem and learning problem. He has a low IQ, (but who doesn't now days, right?) but he wants to be able to do things like play basket ball (even if he sucks at it), be an Auto Mechanic so he can pick up on girls), get a job and move out on his own so no one can tell him what to do anymore.
Ok so those are good goals, but lets face it, he'll never really be able to do any of them. He does play basket ball at home with the neighbors (but he really does suck at it). Being an Auto Mechanic? No, I'm sorry but I just don't see that happening at any time in my lifetime. It's not that he couldn't do it if he really wanted to, I believe anyone can do something if they try...try, that's a big 3 letter word, try. My son will not try. We told him since he likes going to the library to check out repair books and try to read them. He checks out books and they sit, untouched for 2 weeks, then go back slightly dusty). When my husband works on one of our cars, (simple things like install a radio/sub, change the oil, check fuses, air filter...very simple things) my son doesn't go and watch or try to help in any way.
When I was growing up I would be right there, watching and learning. I can do most things when it comes to cars and if I can't do it I'll at least know what's wrong so I can tell if I'm getting screwed by the "real" mechanic or not (thank you mom for letting me know they will try to take money for nothing...lesson very well learned over the years).
With him not doing that, he wants to go to school...I have to take off time to help him get all that set up...bosses aren't as understanding as kids when you tell them "Hey I need to go take my 21 and 20 year olds to the school and get them signed up in classes". Yeah, sorry I may not love my job anymore, but at least I still have one, that until I find a replacement for, will have to do.
Ok, now on to my ever so loving and kind hearted daughter. Yep, the whole reason for this blog is her. Her dad and I were together for close to 14 years. In that time the kids went to live with my mom, my choice not his, because face it I couldn't handle everything and it was making me more depressed than I am even now. They went to life with her from the age of 4 on and in that time I would go see them, no matter where I lived, I would go see them just about every weekend if not every weekend...even while I was working. My "husband" only went because I went only 1 car). After we split, he saw the kids, yes kids once a month if that. Now it's been 6 years give or take, since we split. In that time my son got moved to a school in Utah for 3 years. I would be there every other month for the first year and every 6 months after that because it got to be too costly on me but I would talk to him on the phone 2 sometimes 3 times a week.
His father? Saw him 1 time he was in Vegas with a chick he had met and made a small side trip to see his son...Father of the year that man is!...he never called that I know of, if he did it was maybe 1 time.
My daughter never left the State for school or anything else and she only saw her father maybe 4 times in the same 6 years and each one of those times, he was with his girlfriend (now ex) and sat in the garage and drank beer with my mom's ex husband (very long story). I was living in the house with my daughter so I was always there even if I wasn't "the parent" at the time, we still did stuff, granted not as much as we should have and I'm sorry to say that was my fault, but hey I didn't say I was Mother of the Year or anything.
Now skip ahead a few years, I had another son, my ex got married. Neither of his kids were invited to the wedding and in fact my son was still out of State at the time so he didn't even get to meet her before the wedding. She's a real umm piece of work that one. She's older than him, not sure how much and to be honest I could care less...at least he's not still dating someone his mothers age, or his kids's age not joking).
He and his "new" wife, helped us out a lot when my son came back home. Now 18 years old, a major pain in the butt, but home and refusing to take medication (when he was living at my moms), forced to at my house. We moved and had nothing, nothing at all but a few baby items and our clothes. His wife found a church online somewhere, got on a mailing list and found us a bed, dining table, entertainment center and a friend of theirs gave us some cabinets, fridge that didn't work after it came to us, but it was a nice thought) and a few other things. So yeah they helped us out. My daughter (who I had been fighting for custody over at this time) came to live with us after a few months. Then everything was "fine". Their dad would come see them and even take them back to his house for a few days, this wasn't all the time but more than it had been in the past few years which was great.
Then bam! His wife started to like take over my house. She had to know everything that was going on, what was said, who said it...like she was trying to be my mother or something. They were giving us food from a food-bank he works in, they filled our car once and when we got it home realized we had too much so we gave some of it to another family who needed it (pay it forward when you can). She flipped a gasket over that and cut us off. Now I'm very thankful that for the first year of us living in the apartment, with a new born and 2 teenage kids, we never had to buy diapers (all came from the food-bank), because with that savings we were able to buy a good fridge, couch and a few other things that have our lives better. Now she's pissed that we gave food, that was going to go bad soon to people that had more in 1 apartment than we had and another family that was struggling to put food on the table for their 5 kids (so we helped out 13 other people with the food they gave us for a total of 18 people eating off 1 car load of food).
Ok, she got pissed, I let her have it. I had held back as much as i could and I let her have it. I grew a backbone and told her it's my house and what ever happens in it stays there. Her house (which I have never been to, know where it is or even care about) is hers to tell what to do and when to do it but she can stop telling me what to do. The visits started slowing down for both kids after that. I wasn't "allowed" to talk to my ex, everything has to go through her now.
So skip ahead a few years, (3 total) and here we are back in December 2012 (Merry Christmas). My daughter has this problem, she is disabled for a few different reasons, OCD (sorry but really we all have it, just some show more than others...putting CD's in order just being an example), Bi-Polar, Manic Depression, Pathological Lying, and the BIG one, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Yes its very real and not "treatable". So ok,she tells lies all the time and does what she wants (yeah what teenager doesn't right?)
Christmas the kids went to visit my ex's mother (who by the way doesn't even talk to her son or his loving wife because for some reason the wife is mental and no one likes her...got this from a bunch of people by the way). They were there all day and came home, had a great time. Then it comes time for their dad's "visit". His wife texts the kids to tell them Merry Christmas. Not sure how it all went down but they didn't want anything to do with my daughter after the texts. She said something "hurtful" to his wife that his mother had said and I guess it was lies so she was told she's not welcome over there anymore.
Ok, hey it's Christmas and his wife is being a bitch to my kids? Nope, I don't think so. Then she tells me that I need to have my daughter locked up and take her phone away from her. Ok, took phone, but not locking her up because of stupid stuff.
A few months go by, it's now April...wow the days just fly by don't they? April my son gets a text from her and she wants him to come visit for the weekend of the 22nd (after his birthday on the 11th but before my daughters on the 27th). They want him to help with their yardsale (moving again). She sent me a text telling me that my ex will pick him up on the 21st around noonish. A few hours go by and I get a nasty text from her telling me my daughter is psycho and she's now blocked from calling or texting either of them anymore and that I need to have her committed big time. I had no idea what happened to bring this text to me so I asked...man.
(Texts from my daughter and his wife)
Now I can't tell you anything before this next set because it's been removed from my daughter phones but here's the last of their convo:
Wife: Dad dumped dana at a homeless shelter...Was never stabbed...Your are nutz!!
Daughter: He was stabbed in the leg by his ex. He sold her the knife.
Daughter: That's a lie. Dana was never in one. She's sane and doing fine.
Daughter: Ask my mom. He was stabbed and he was dumped.
Wife: Dad blocked you...and I'm doing the same. You are not welcome in our life anymore. Goodbye.
Wife: Shut the fuck up...You are mistaken just luke (like from what I can get) all your lies...Nasty, hateful bitch. You can only blame yourself.
Daughter: Geez u don't even realize he has a stab wound? Long jagged scar on his leg. He ws never attacked by a dog.
Ok so that's the last of their convo dated April 2, 2013 at 7:19 P.M. (I can post pictures for anyone claiming this never took place.
After that I told my daughter to just stop talking to her and then she went off on me. My daughter, went off on me. Told me that I'm a terrible mother, that I don't punish her correctly...blah blah blah.
I told her to leave my house. She and her brother in the past have just walked around the complex and after about 20 minutes would come back and say they were sorry...she left. I mean really left. An hour later and a phone call to the cops later there was still no word from her. I called her boyfriend and said if she shows up there to let me know and we waited. Nothing, no one heard or saw from her. I went out in the car looking, her boyfriend and his brother went walking, looking for her and still nothing.
Cops came to the house, told me she's over 19 and not missing just run off and can't do anything for now. then I get a call from a Church telling me she's there and wants to come home.
My husband went and picked her up, brought her home and told me he was taking her to arrowhead to have her locked up...her choice. She wanted it.
Now the whole reason I started this blog. My daughter now 20, was disowned by her father, granted he wasn't around much, but he still see's and talks to his son who lives in the same house as his daughter. How can you do that to you kids? Don't you see how this would cause more problems for a brother and sister that already fight? Not seeing one isn't "fair" to the other. They are both "children" (mentally) and doing this to them is a hard thing for them to deal with. I know they need to grow up but would you do that to your kids? At any age?
How could a parent do that to their child.
In my daughter's defense, he was stabbed by a knife he GAVE his ex. She cheated on him, pissed him off which pissed her off and yes she did stab him. He did drop her off at a mental Institute (months later) and she is doing fine and last I heard had a baby (by someone else who was abusing her).
So there, the longest blog I have ever typed before...can I just say I love my iPad Mini with the fold out keyboard? I downloaded the blogger app and use it to type at work then upload when I get home. Works out great so far. :0)
